I strongly dislike the generic Christmas letters that get sent every year. They always wax poetic about how awesome their year has been and all the great adventures and vacations they have been able to go on...The letter is usually accompanied by a perfect picture of their perfect family.
My life isn't like that, far from it actually. So I wrote my version of a Christmas letter and sent it with a photo card that had our crazy family portrait. My life is far from perfect, but it's the imperfections and the mis-adventures that keep it interesting and like my dad always says, "It gives you character!" If that's the case, I have enough character for a Charles Dickens novel. Please read and enjoy the Samber Christmas Letter:
2012 has come and gone like a tornado, leaving a path of frizzy, graying destruction behind. Oops, actually that's just a description of my hair. Sam started the year by taking two classes and a lab since he wasn't busy enough with the two jobs. He won 2 academic achievement awards! I told him he was too pretty to be so smart. While he was working his cute tushy off in school, I started a Facebook war over my pro-gay rights beliefs and promptly quit Facebook and all of its silliness. We are both such productive people. In March, we tested the strength of Sam's hip by climbing two mountains in Gatlinburg. We determined that Sam's new hip is awesome and I'm an un-fit, fat kid on the inside. I consoled myself with 54oz of beer, slipping into a blissful beer coma at our hotel, best nap ever! During the summer we took trips to see my brother in North Carolina and my parents in Tennessee. Such exotic locations for vacations, I know. You should be jealous of the non-tan I got in Oxford, North Carolina! We got a roommate for 7 months, Annie. She was a former intern at Southface and needed a place to stay. She helped me cook and clean so I jokingly referred to her as my sister-wife. Polygamy has some advantages. After our water hose was tampered with, we decided to install a privacy fence. I wanted to install a moat but Sam told me we couldn't afford to have alligators flown in from Florida. I was disappointed, of course, but consoled myself by getting a guard-puppy instead. Bruce Banner McFarland, our pit-lab mix, was a great addition to the family even though Squeaky, our cat, completely disagrees. I forgot that puppies tend to pee a lot and never where they are supposed to pee. Several hundred rolls of paper towels later, he is successfully potty-trained. Unfortunately, Squeaky is still plotting his demise by knocking our home-grown jalapenos to the floor for him to eat. Fortunately, since Bruce is a McFarland he has a natural affinity for capsaicin. Sam took Bruce up Arabia Mountain for a hike and came down with a second puppy that had been abandoned by jerk-face, nincompoops. On October 15th, we officially added Willa Arabia McFarland, another pit-lab mix to our family. Squeaky tried to veto our decision but his inability to speak English prevented him from having a say. To celebrate our second wedding anniversary, Sam and I spent a weekend in Savannah. I was disappointed to realize ghosts didn't come with our inn. You have to pay extra for hauntings and I'm too cheap. We still managed to have a lovely, albeit ghost-free, stay. November, for the Samber Clan, has historically been a “fun” month. By “fun”, I mean torturous and expensive. November 2010, we experienced 3 separate water leaks causing a partial ceiling collapse. I don’t remember last November but something expensive probably happened and that’s why I can’t remember. This November, my car broke down. While it went through a couple of different mechanics to be fixed, Sam’s Jeep broke down.
My life isn't like that, far from it actually. So I wrote my version of a Christmas letter and sent it with a photo card that had our crazy family portrait. My life is far from perfect, but it's the imperfections and the mis-adventures that keep it interesting and like my dad always says, "It gives you character!" If that's the case, I have enough character for a Charles Dickens novel. Please read and enjoy the Samber Christmas Letter:
2012 has come and gone like a tornado, leaving a path of frizzy, graying destruction behind. Oops, actually that's just a description of my hair. Sam started the year by taking two classes and a lab since he wasn't busy enough with the two jobs. He won 2 academic achievement awards! I told him he was too pretty to be so smart. While he was working his cute tushy off in school, I started a Facebook war over my pro-gay rights beliefs and promptly quit Facebook and all of its silliness. We are both such productive people. In March, we tested the strength of Sam's hip by climbing two mountains in Gatlinburg. We determined that Sam's new hip is awesome and I'm an un-fit, fat kid on the inside. I consoled myself with 54oz of beer, slipping into a blissful beer coma at our hotel, best nap ever! During the summer we took trips to see my brother in North Carolina and my parents in Tennessee. Such exotic locations for vacations, I know. You should be jealous of the non-tan I got in Oxford, North Carolina! We got a roommate for 7 months, Annie. She was a former intern at Southface and needed a place to stay. She helped me cook and clean so I jokingly referred to her as my sister-wife. Polygamy has some advantages. After our water hose was tampered with, we decided to install a privacy fence. I wanted to install a moat but Sam told me we couldn't afford to have alligators flown in from Florida. I was disappointed, of course, but consoled myself by getting a guard-puppy instead. Bruce Banner McFarland, our pit-lab mix, was a great addition to the family even though Squeaky, our cat, completely disagrees. I forgot that puppies tend to pee a lot and never where they are supposed to pee. Several hundred rolls of paper towels later, he is successfully potty-trained. Unfortunately, Squeaky is still plotting his demise by knocking our home-grown jalapenos to the floor for him to eat. Fortunately, since Bruce is a McFarland he has a natural affinity for capsaicin. Sam took Bruce up Arabia Mountain for a hike and came down with a second puppy that had been abandoned by jerk-face, nincompoops. On October 15th, we officially added Willa Arabia McFarland, another pit-lab mix to our family. Squeaky tried to veto our decision but his inability to speak English prevented him from having a say. To celebrate our second wedding anniversary, Sam and I spent a weekend in Savannah. I was disappointed to realize ghosts didn't come with our inn. You have to pay extra for hauntings and I'm too cheap. We still managed to have a lovely, albeit ghost-free, stay. November, for the Samber Clan, has historically been a “fun” month. By “fun”, I mean torturous and expensive. November 2010, we experienced 3 separate water leaks causing a partial ceiling collapse. I don’t remember last November but something expensive probably happened and that’s why I can’t remember. This November, my car broke down. While it went through a couple of different mechanics to be fixed, Sam’s Jeep broke down.
Despite our misadventures, Sam and
I are still incredibly lucky. We have in each other, a wonderful and supportive
partner. I don’t think either of us could ask for a better person. Through the
roughest of times, we hold hands and make inappropriate jokes to keep each
other going. We also have our loving families. I know that I would not have
made it through certain parts of this year without my parents, whom I adore. We
also have surrounded ourselves with some great friends in Atlanta and have some
amazing friends up in Tennessee that we always look forward to seeing. We might
not be in the state that we want to be in (physically and figuratively) but we
have built a life together, along with our furry children that we love. Please
feel free to come and visit anytime. By “feel free” and “anytime”, I mean with
a minimum 6 month notice sent in with a formal, notarized request and a money
order of $350 to cover our expenses and mental health recovery from your visit.
Just kidding but not really J
We hope that you and your family
have a wonderful holiday season! If we don’t get to personally see you during
the holidays, know that we are with you in spirit…in a non-creepy way.
Love,
Sam, Amber, Bruce, Willa, and
Squeaky McFarland
(P.S. please do not be offended by
my sarcasm. It’s an inherited disorder so blame my parents)
