So I'm going through something extremely painful right now. I can't/won't go into details right now but I've got to write something about it or I'll continue to spiral down.
Life sucks. It tricks you into thinking everything is great and on track. And then it pops up out of nowhere and punches you square on the nose, knees you in the lady bits, and then kicks you while you are on the floor curled into a fetal position. All the while it laughs and mocks you to your face.
That's what I'm going through right now. I can't sleep. Tylenol PM lets me pass out for 4 hours max and then I'm wide awake wrapped in a blanket of anxiety and worry. I can't eat. I've lost at least 10 pounds in 2 weeks and it all left my ass. My beautiful round derriere is bony! My round, buxom grandmother would be aghast! I'm down to skinniest belt loop and I'm so weak, I have to walk slowly, trudging along like a half-decayed zombie. I'm usually walking fast and stomping around my office like a tiny, pale Tyra Banks. Not anymore.
So I'm going through a lot, obviously. And when I can open up more, I will. I know that I'm not alone in what I'm going through and hope that one day I can help someone going through a similar situation laugh and chuckle. Today and tomorrow, it's me that is depending on so many people. I've had to rely and open up to so many amazing people in my life and I feel so fortunate even when I just want everything to fade to black.
I'm going to continue to depend on the kindness of not strangers, but friends, family, and co-workers. I'm going to continue to fight for normalcy - even if it's just not in the cards. I'm going to fight to be free of this overwhelming amount of pain and sorrow. It will take time and endurance. It will take patience - which is SO not my strength. It will take all of me and hopefully leave me with a new Amber.
I'll be different on the other side of this, but I'll still be me.
Thanks!
