This Bittersweet Existence : Samber Camping Adventure: Part One "Charlie is an Asshole and Now I have a Bunion. Damnit"

I've had a crappy start to my day and my nerves feel like they've been blasted away. So to calm myself down from the anxiety precipice, I'm going to write about our camping experience this past weekend. On Wednesday, I called Sam on my way home from work. I had spent the whole day drinking a variety of caffeine beverages and had hardly ate so I was bouncing off the walls and talking in rapid-fire spurts. Fortunately, Sam has been with me long enough to interpret me during most of my inarticulate ramblings. Anyway, so right after I told Sam that I needed food almost immediately to bring me down off the high, I flippantly mentioned that we could leave for Gatlinburg that night instead of leaving in the morning. By the time I got home, Sam had a hotel booked and after a trip to Wal-Mart, Wendy's, and a flurry of packing, away we went. We arrived at our hotel around midnight. It was the same hotel we spent our honeymoon in and it backs up to a river so you have this great, rushing soundtrack while you sleep. The campsite we were wanting to stay in didn't open up until Friday so we would have the luxury of a hotel for two nights. I didn't complain. Thursday morning, we woke up and walked to Bennett's. It's a barbeque joint that has a breakfast buffet that is fit for a king...or at least two hikers. Sam and I filled up on carbs and protein to fuel our day hike. We drove up through fog to Newfound Gap. To hike from here to Charlie's Bunion was 4 miles. 4 miles didn't seem all that bad even though it would be 4 miles back... Anyway, it was really cold and windy so I was bundled up and apparently looked pitiful. Sam kept trying to catch me mid-pitiful but I thwarted his paparazzi efforts and kept posing. Tyra Banks would be proud. The hike path was covered in ice so it took quite a bit of negotiating to not fall on my ass. For those of you who read this and know me, then you know how much of a physical feat this is for me. After an hour or so, my ass and thighs were on protest and sending threatening signals to my brain. My brain, in turn, kept wondering where the hell was this stupid bunion and this Charlie person had officially made my shit-list despite him being dead for a while. Along the trail, I had to use nature's ladies' room for a tinkle and during my thigh burning squat position, my overactive imagination determined that now would the perfect time for a bear to attack me. I'm basically holding the preferred "bear food" position: ass out, pants around ankles, precariously balancing on a slope to avoid my stream. Right after the bear attack thought, I mentally cursed all men for their exterior plumbing and the freaking convenience of it. Anyway, bears did not attack me and I finished my lady business without issue. Back on the trail we kept hiking and hiking and hiked some more. Even though I was loving the surrounding beauty, I kept wanting to quit and turn back. I had no idea how far we were from this so-called "wonderful" bunion and I was tired. But, Sam kept pushing me along and encouraged me to keep going. We finally arrived at the bunion about 3 hours after beginning. To get to the top, you have to hike a brief but steep trail through trees and brush. But when you emerge, you have this amazing panoramic view of the Smokies. It made the entire trip so worth it and was able to give me a burst of adrenaline. I basically skipped back down the trail to our car. Sam compared me to a gazelle. Despite my clumsiness, I do have random moments of grace and this was one of them. Sam and I crawled into our jeep and headed to our next adventure...the Smoky Mountain Brewery. Whew. I feel better now. I'll write up Part 2 soon. Here's some pictures.