I want to learn how to pickpocket. I don't necessarily want to go full on pickpocket...a cockney British accent and dirty, corduroy cap are unnecessary; plus, a soot covered face is not a good look for me. However, you never know when you might need to pickpocket someone. I obviously wouldn't use this newly obtained skill for evil. Instead, I would use it for good. I'm sure I'd come across opportunities to use it for good...can't think of any right now...
Anyway, another skill that would be useful would be hot-wiring vehicles. Once again, I wouldn't do this with any ill intent. I would only pull this tool out of my toolbox of awesomeness in an emergency, like if I was running away from zombies, trying to escape a horde of bees, or worse yet...a horde of Bieber fans...
One last skill that I need to obtain is picking locks. Because I'm kind of easily distracted...which results in locking myself out. Imagine what would happen if Bieber fans start chasing me because they caught wind I had just compared him unfavorably to a dancing nancie. I jump into an unlocked car, which I hot-wire and drive off. They all pile into cars and start chasing me, which is made even more terrifying because all these rabid Bieber fans are 13 years old and hopping off of pixie sticks and coke (powder and liquid form). They chase me all the way to my house, my sanctuary. I can see Squeaky through the window, squeaking in fear at what is following in my wake. I rummage through my purse for my house keys and then bleakly realize that I can see them sitting on my coffee table. The Bieber fans grab me and I'm quickly reduced to nothing more than just a gory skeleton that can be used as a prop in Bones. If I had known how to pick a lock, I could have survived. So I either need to brush up on my misdemeanor skills...or teach Squeaky how to unlock the door.
A Dancing Nancie is a slang term for a transvestite prostitute in parts of Europe.
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